that sound

That sound that instantly wakes me from my sleep. That sound that makes me cold and want to run in the opposite direction. That sound that makes a million thoughts swirl in my head...is he blue? will he stop breathing... again? Will I need to call 911... again? Will this be the time his body stops fighting? I'm shaking, my stomach hurts I think I am going to be sick. I get to his bed and he is having a seizure. I pick him up and talk to him. It stops and his body relaxes. He snuggles in to me and he is ok. I hold him for awhile thanking God for more time with my precious little angel and wonder when will the next time be. I pray that he will sleep peacefully the rest of the night. He needs his sleep. When he is tired he has even more seizures. He was doing so well. Is it starting all over again? I hate the feeling I have when he is quiet in the morning. When I wake before he does. All of those questions in my head. I look at him praying he is not blue, praying that I see him breathing. Praying for more time